Our interpersonal communication is not good. Not one bit.
As a whole, we’re not great at listening to one another. We hear someone talking and we immediately think about what we want to say in response. Never mind paying attention to what the other person is saying, we’re too busy figuring out what we want to say next – or worse, how we can spin a conversation in our favor, pivot the focus and move along.
Putting it that way makes us sound like a bunch of self-centered jerks, doesn’t it?
Add name-calling to the self-centered jerk tag and we’ve got a fraction of the workplace drama of today – and Ok Boomer and Snowflake Millennial are both name-calling efforts akin to playground bullying. If we keep going in this direction we’re going to crash and burn even further with our one on one communication skills, and we might as well just resort to written communication. At least we can edit that and delete our disrespect.
For my purposes, I’m going to focus on Ok Boomer and Millennial Snowflake aggressions. To note: this doesn’t supersede aggressions and microaggressions that are related to race and sex. Different conversation.
The actual words are almost fine: Boomer and Millennial refer to the labeling of generations. Nothing new to see there…the problem comes with the sentiment behind “Ok Boomer” and the add of “Snowflake.” Now, “millennial” itself can a negative connotation if the feeling behind the word is less than neutral – same with “boomer” actually (especially now). What’s the point of the negativity?
Sure – boomers ruined the environment and student loans and the ability to buy a house. Millennial wrecked basically everything else, and feel like they deserve more than what they get. Right? Depending on what bracket you fall in, you’re probably nodding at once sentence and incensed at another.
Wild idea: check yourself and stop projecting.
In conversations, four things influence us:
- who we are (the relationship we have with the person we’re talking to),
- where we are (physical location and place in life),
- what we want (and what our conversation partner wants),
- and finally how we feel (about the other person as well as the situation.)
Usually, folks have a lot of issues around what they want and fighting for this. Here’s the problem: if your feelings are getting in the way of your communication, you’re never going to get to a point that you can fight for what you want. And then the conversation and interaction don’t even matter, because what’s the point?
Workplaces will always be made up of folks of different ages, and we’re going to disagree with people we talk to. That’s obvious. Disrespect? That’s optional. Is the boomer you’re upset with actually the cause of you being upset, or is it someone else – or something else? Is the millennial acting overly sensitive and “special”, or are you anxious about something else that’s going on in your life? Take a moment to check in with that “how you feel” part of your interpersonal communications. Identify it clearly and specifically – even use simple language like “I feel mad” or “I feel excited”. Now, ask the larger and potentially scarier question – why do you feel the way you do? Are you mad because this person doesn’t listen, or you feel like you’re picking up their slack or that you don’t make enough money?
Out of all of that, what has to do with the person you’re talking to, and what has nothing to do with them?
Sure, sometimes this will be directly related to the person you’re talking to – there are terrible, sociopathic, selfish, malicious and lazy people of all ages.
And sometimes, we throw out these aggressions because we have a lot of other things going on.
Do I propose we all play nice and stop insulting each other? Yes, absolutely that. Is the snarky comment worth it? No. Will it cloud the actual issue? Like what if the boomer refuses to report to the millennial that is actually in charge, and what if the millennial feels like they are “too good” to do a certain job? When you’ve resorted to name-calling, you’ve already lost the issue at hand and you’re never going to get to your want, which should be the crux of your conversation.
Don’t sacrifice what you want – what you want to get accomplished – for passive-aggressive name-calling. It’s not worth it.