That amazing thing you’ve been waiting for HAS HAPPENED.
THROW A PARADE!
CONFETTI ALL DAY EVERY DAY!
::Time out, Saved By The Bell style::
Your thoughts immediately start racing – what if you start bragging? It’s really hard to talk about accomplishments to loved ones much less to folks at work! What happens when you have to – or you want to – tell people about this AMAZING THING THAT HAPPENED? Better just not to do it right, hide it and not worry about what others think?
Wow does that feel awful though.
We started teaching our Unhumble class a few years ago for this very reason: folks have a hard time talking about their accomplishments. We’re told often (especially as women) to be humble, don’t brag – but why? Sure, there’s an issue when another person only talks about their accomplishments all the time, and never gets excited for another person. But what happens when people are proud of what they accomplished AND they care about other people? Should they not talk about things because of how another person might feel?
This is one of the most BS things that I’ve heard people say: don’t talk too much about accomplishments because you’ll make other people feel bad.
When I started Fearless, my other business, a woman told me that a friend of hers was constantly feeling bad when she saw other people in the group talk about their accomplishments. “But I’m just a [insert her identifier here.]”
That, my friends, is her thing.
I firmly believe that people don’t talk about their accomplishments to make other people feel bad. Sure, there are some sociopaths out there – and other people that will always think the grass is greener on the other side and ask “why her, why not me?” But I think we’ve been trained to play small for several reasons – none of which matter, as long as we work to undo this.
What does it mean to be UNHUMBLE? Well, simply put, it’s the idea of being proud of your accomplishments, talking about them, and not playing small in efforts to help someone else. Think about being humble: it’s being modest, without pride.
Shouldn’t we be proud of ourselves and our hard work?
I’m not saying be arrogant, thinking you are the greatest thing since sliced bread – I am saying that it’s not as black and white as you might think with bragging or not. I truly believe the difference between unhumble and arrogant is how much you care about another person’s successes and wins. If you don’t care, and think you’re better than everyone else – you’re probably arrogant.
I remember an entrepreneur group that I was taking part in a few months ago, and a newer full-time entrepreneur commented that she couldn’t seem to find people “on her level” to talk to. I still remember when she said that – the whole room took a moment and then more than half brought it up to me afterward. I was a little shocked myself, honestly, because she had JUST started running her business full time, and before that, was working in fairly well-paying jobs while doing her work.
This isn’t to say she didn’t work hard – this is to say that if you read our last blog on status, she was in the wrong end of high status, and shows the line between unhumble and arrogant. I believe that if she acknowledged some amazing entrepreneurs that existed (and were in the room!) maybe she wouldn’t have come across in such a way that damaged relationships. Assertive communication is great: elevating yourself over others unnecessarily looks like you’re overcompensating.
So what happens when you find that line between being unhumble and being arrogant? You might end up altering a few relationships – some people are not huge fans of people that take pride in their work.
Repeat after me: people will always like you. People will always dislike you. Sometimes, you’re going to be liked or disliked no matter what you do – so why not be enough for yourself?
If you’re proud of something, and you’re also proud of other people for their wins – you’ll start tapping into other people who are like you. There will be people that are not a fan of this newfound pride: find folks that are, and keep celebrating your – and their – wins.